I have never told this story publicly……because I was told not to. Why am I telling this story now…..because Prophets need to be a little better understood amongst “leadership” within the church-the abuse (to control and manipulate) needs to stop, prophetic words need to be understood within the church, and why you should never agree to not talk about something that has happened to you.
It is Saturday, May 21, 2008 and that morning I received a vision from the Lord of myself on a tiny wooden boat and heard, “And the tiny boat was tossed.” The sea was dark and rumbling, but I was at peace with light shining down on me. I felt as though a storm was approaching but I will have peace…..It is now July 26th of the same year and I had received a directive and a word from the Lord that week. Our church was to begin a building campaign in the next few months and I was praying for this as directed by the pastors. The Lord told me three things at this time with a great amount of love:
- The money will not come in.
- The building will be built in 7 years.
- I will be the prophet to call it in.
After He told me those three things He requested I proclaim in the earth realm that the money wouldn’t come in. It took much but after He told me the last two things, I did as He requested.
I was to share with the pastors that the money wouldn’t come in. I was able to do so with the female pastor that Saturday night. I thought it was received well and that they would take it to the Lord. My husband, Bryan, had gone to a movie and I had driven home with our young sons. I received a phone call from the female pastor, frantically saying they needed to come over to our house right away. I told her Bryan was not home; but they still came. This is when things got ugly and horrible. First they were asking what they have done wrong, what sin they needed to repent of and I told them there wasn’t anything the Lord had said about that. I had felt the word had come from a place of love and protection. But it was like they didn’t hear what I was saying and continued trying to ask me what sin the church had committed. Then, I was accused of cursing the church and was Jezebel. I was told I must apologize to the pastoral team and what was then a pastoral prayer team members. The prayer team members did not even know what I was apologizing for just that I was to apologize. I was told by the pastoral team that we (the pastoral team, my husband and I) were never to talk about this with anyone. Later I had found out the pastoral team did not hesitate to talk about it with people and these people also shared some things with other people. So much for promises and keeping it to ourselves. I was in full fledge fear because 1) I was accused of cursing the church and 2) What if I did have Jezebel inside me?????.
God never intended us to submit
to spiritual leaders who are cruel,
hurtful or can not humble themselves
They are considered untrustworthy
I had many situations that came up during this time that would be termed as spiritual abuse. Shunning, hurtful words and actions by the pastoral staff, I was actually told they were surprised I showed up for events at the church, my own children were told to pray against me as I was the one “cursing” the church and I choose to stay, I took all the abuse and did what was asked of me; because I doubted God’s word to me and thought I had sinned horribly— so I deserved all of the harsh treatment; because at this point my viewpoint of God was off. I had learned in the church that they are the “authority over you” and “we are to submit to the authority over us”. Never realizing what the Greek actually meant in Hebrews 13, more explanation will be in another post. In a nutshell though– I truly believe that God never intended us to submit to spiritual authority that is hurtful, cruel and are unable to humble themselves to say they are sorry. They fully expect and require people “under them” to apologize for anything they deem needs an apology. People like this are not God’s leadership.
It is now three and a half years later and the money did not come in for the building campaign. Soon after the pledges were taken the economy nose dived and many people lost houses and jobs. The people could not make their monetary commitments they had written in August of 2008. No one on the pastoral team ever said a word about the word being accurate.
I knew the next three and a half years would be different and began praying for the building and the needed money to fund this venture. Remember I never said a word about the last 2/3 of the word. I had kept them to myself and my husband at the Lord’s directive. Sunday, June 1, 2014 the same female pastor met with me in between services because she had to share something with me she had said. We went into a back room and she had asked me, “Do you remember when you had to give that “hard word” back at (the name of the place we were worshipping at back six years ago).” I replied yes and she continued, “The Lord God Himself made you give the word because as a prophet, that was the only way to birth through me the prayer necessary to bring the building.” She never knew that she just confirmed the third promise the Lord gave me. And the second promise was that the building would be up that seventh year and it is.
I never did receive an apology, we were wrong, or you were right. Many leaders in the church are afraid of admitting they are wrong or saying sorry because of a crazy misconception that this will somehow lessen their leadership when instead it actually would increase it. It is wrong to think saying you are sorry in some way will cause them to lose their authority over you. I have talked a bit about this in Because of Christ, Believers in Him Are Seated in Heavenly Places. This kind of control is not of God, it is directly trying to control the prophetic gifting in the most hurtful and damaging way. Most of this occurred because the blind were leading the blind. I say that as Jesus said it about the Pharisees because like the Pharisees of Jesus’ time this pastoral staff’s viewpoints of God were and are still off. They do not see God as a loving Father but one that will turn away from you if you sin and you must grovel to have Him even be able to look at you and love you again. This doesn’t line up with the New Testament Covenant. I believe so much hurt has occurred in the church because of this incorrect view of God and it is time for this to change.
There has been a large movement saying that prophetic words should only be “good” not “negative” and this is unbalanced thinking. Mainly because we have defined “good” by man’s way of thinking not God’s. Prophetic words should bring life, hope, warning and DIRECTION. Here are the biblical examples that helped me hold it together waiting to see if this “word” would come true and prove I wasn’t crazy, Jezebel, cursing the church etc….
“One of them named Agabus stood up and began to indicate by the Spirit that there would certainly be a great famine all over the world. And this took place in the reign of Claudius.” Acts 11:28 NASB
“As we were staying there for some days, a prophet named Agabus came down from Judea. And coming to us, he took Paul’s belt and bound his own feet and hands, and said, “This is what the Holy Spirit says: ‘In this way the Jews at Jerusalem will bind the man who owns this belt and deliver him into the hands of the Gentiles.‘” When we had heard this, we as well as the local residents began begging him not to go up to Jerusalem. Then Paul answered, “What are you doing, weeping and breaking my heart? For I am ready not only to be bound, but even to die at Jerusalem for the name of the Lord Jesus.” And since he would not be persuaded, we fell silent, remarking, “The will of the Lord be done!”” Acts 21:10-14 NASB
One was a corporate word and the other was a personal word. Both were warnings that would help give direction to the individual and to the large group of people. It was to let them know what would surely come; so they could make a plan, to decide, to have wisdom. This is were I see the church lacking because of the fear of a word that doesn’t fit into their “box of love”….while this surely fits into “God’s box of love”. It is time for the church to understand God’s love.
Agreeing “never talk about something again”, for the moment, looks good to the offender; yet it is not healthy. It is unhealthy to not be able to talk, process and walk all the emotions out in a safe place. When I was told never to talk about this situation it actually made things worse for me, not better. I needed to process out loud with people that had wisdom and loved me. What I have realized is that hiding something away doesn’t make it just disappear it makes it fester. And festering is toxic for our bodies. Do not agree to never talk about something again…talking is one of the ways God created for us to stay healthy, helpful, loving and bond as human beings.
This very thing that occurred, as one friend pointed out, helped create who I am today. This very story becomes the tapestry of my life which helps forge what God desires in and through me. I am sure it would have still happened without this occurring yet I might not have understood so many things such as: the Grace of God, being assured of Whose I am and who I am, not doubting God can truly turn ALL things around for our good, His amazing peace in spite of our circumstances, no longer wanting to please man, confident in the fact He loves me no matter what, my children understand spiritual abuse and can spot it a mile away, they are also confident in their stance with God, and I will never prostitute myself in the prophetic again.
Silence has never solved a problem
I am sure there are many of you with similar stories; actually I know of too many stories already that have occurred with these same pastors over multiple states. It breaks my heart that anyone would have to go through something like this. I also know these aren’t the only pastors that lead this way, as they have been taught to lead this way. If you want to share your story to heal and move forward please feel free to share below or on my Facebook page: Hisbelovedgrace4ever. I have set my comment settings so you can be anonymous when commenting below if you would rather. I am here to pray, read your story and will try to respond to your comments. With love, freedom and His beautiful grace, Darlene
For the rest of my story that got me where I am today you can read Ummmm…Is That An Elephant in the Room?!?!? and People Don’t Like Letting the Elephant Out, Questions Answered