As I have been waiting for the editing process to finish up with my book, I have had a strange lull in my writing. Which is pleasant for me to sit back, try to be patient and not think about writing. Knowing I will soon begin the process of reading through the edited version of my book. But if anyone knows me, patience is not one of my strong suits. So being patient does not come naturally to me, haha.
Last night as I was reminded once again of a promise God made me last year in regards to this fourth year of freedom and what I saw He was already doing, I began praying for individuals on my heart. At the same time a thought invaded my space which has always been a place the enemy could attack me from. I began realizing/thinking wow I haven’t really heard from you in awhile God. We haven’t been conversations about stuff like we have over the last four years…..then the thought came, “OH NO I HAVEN’T BEEN PAYING ATTENTION TO YOU!!!!!”. Then the condemnation came in with the layer of guilt. What is good now is I immediately know this is not from God and I literally rolled over and fell asleep.
In the morning I was telling my husband, Bryan, about what happened while I fixed a bagel to eat for breakfast. We were planning to go eat sushi for my youngest’ s birthday later and my older son asked, “Are you going to eat that now when we are going to sushi soon?”. We joke much in our family and I said back, “Don’t judge me” and he turned around and said, “Yes, because all you would say to that is, “I am the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus!””. I thought, “Yay, he has learned well” and realized at the same time this all ties back to what happened last night with me.
I have felt for 4 1/2 years I had to prove I had a relationship with God because so many people were going around town saying I was Jezebel, the devil himself or demonic. It was being said my children were possessed and my husband was deceived. It was so gross. The bad part is there are so many who still believe this. Crazy. Because of what happened last night, I realized there was still a part of me which felt the need to be religious and prove God had a relationship with me. There was still a part where I felt the need to do something to make God love me. This is where the condemnation and guilt was able to try and come in. As long as I was conversing with God about this or that then this meant I was “spending time with God”. If I wasn’t doing that then….ooooooo….naughty, naughty Darlene is “not spending time with God”. So, for the past few weeks it has been different for me not “spending time with God” and it caught up with me and I realized here is another religious mindset God wants me free from.
Here is what God shared with me:
God really lives in us at all times. When we accept the free gift he gave each of us we fully come in to what he 100% took care of and did all the work for. See this isn’t a relationship where we give 50/50 or 100/100.
It is a relationship where it is 100/0.
He gave his all so we can just say yes to it. I don’t have to prove I have a relationship with him. Our relationship has different flows, different seasons and they are all GOOD because God HAS ALREADY GIVEN 100%. —- there will be more about this in my book.
Right now and much of our relationship is spent just sitting on the porch in rocking chairs quietly enjoying each other’s company sipping a heavenly wine. Nothing has to be said, he already knows it all anyway. I get to sit in his peace and enjoy not having to do a thing. It is not time I set aside or make time for it is simply the place I am seated in all day and night because of what Jesus did for me. Because of this revelation of truth the thought of, “OH NO I HAVEN’T BEEN PAYING ATTENTION TO YOU,GOD” has no more power to allow condemnation or guilt to have a place in my life. Freedom
God is calling each of us up on the porch, to rock and sip heavenly wine with him. To rest in his peace Jesus died to give each of us.