“If I am mad at God for some outcome in my life this only shows me there is still a part of my belief system still under the law.”
This is what God whispered to me early this morning. I fully knew I was mad at God. I wasn’t hiding it, nor could I seem to do anything with it. I could just say, forgive me Lord but again the Lord was much more interested in inward change and healing than just outward motions. I am so grateful for that because I would have not then heard what He whispered to me above. He was bringing conviction-convincing me that what I had been seeing was not correct. He desired for me to see things as He saw. This required repentance- turning my mind, my thinking, my belief to His way of thinking, His view and He convicted me that what I believed was not the way He saw things or operates. He revealed to me, if or when I still feel or believe that ‘if I am obedient in an area or do the right things’ that those things justify me before Him and then I believe I should be blessed and if I choose to ‘not do things or am disobedient’ than I deserve bad things to happen to me. This equates to a performance based relationship, which equals the law. Out of that thinking the Holy Spirit revealed to me, comes the belief, “I am angry at God because I was obedient and I didn’t get what I deserved,” which again equals law. The Holy Spirit was desiring to make an internal change in my beliefs. How did that occur? He showed me two stories in His Word to help me.
The first story I want to talk about is in Romans 9. He was reminding me that Pharaoh had played a bit part in His salvation story and how clay does not talk back to the potter. As I went and read this Chapter here is what stood out for me:
“How can we sum this up? All those people who didn’t seem interested in what God was doing actually embraced what God was doing as he straightened out their lives. And Israel, who seemed so interested in reading and talking about what God was doing, missed it. How could they miss it? Because instead of trusting God, they took over. They were absorbed in what they themselves were doing. They were so absorbed in their “God projects” that they didn’t notice God right in front of them, like a huge rock in the middle of the road. And so they stumbled into him and went sprawling.” (Romans 9:31-32 MSG)
He was reminding me to trust Him and not take over; this meant I was to simply believe in who I am and Whose I am. Reminding myself again, that no matter what, as I believe in Jesus then I am the righteousness of God in Christ. Simply resting there.
The second story He showed me was about the workers in the vineyard and the estate manager paying them their wages in Matthew 20:1-16. I saw the workers at the end of the day receiving their pay. Each was given exactly the same amount for the time they worked. Now the Lord asked me a question, ” Did all the workers get paid according to the job they had done? Had each person produced at the same rate, were they all equal in their performance?” Immediately I knew they all had not performed to the dollar level for the day, even those that had started at the beginning were not all equal to each other. The Lord said,
” Their performance was not examined to see if they were worth the price.”
Neither their time that they worked nor their performance was ever looked at or judged, they were simply given the payment no matter what. This showed me that yes we are all doing daily things for His kingdom because we internally desire to do so because He first loved us. Simple. We also need to know that God is not going to judge how long or how well we did. Our mistakes, our failures are not what He sees as His Son paid the full price for all of that at the Cross. We are to trust and rest in what Jesus has already done. The Father sees us through His Son, Jesus, and freely gives what He has promised through our simple belief in Jesus Christ.
Free grace equally given, not according to anything we have done except we have agreed with His good idea of our salvation in Christ. It is ALL about what He has done for us. Enter into His goodness.